It started with a dream. I was holding a baby and I loved that baby…it was my baby. As the dream continued I said to God, “but I can’t have any more children…we made that decision after Liam was born…it’s impossible for us to have any more children”. As I began to wake up I heard a clear answer. A family member who was pregnant….”Her baby”. I woke up.
Fully awake I remember the conversation I had with God. “I can’t take her baby!! I don’t even know for sure if she is even pregnant… Besides, I have FOUR BOYS and Liam is almost 7…we are at the “easy” phase. Life is good.
I pushed it out of my mind until God smote my heart. Our pastor started to talk about “Compassion” and he told us that having compassion on someone can interrupt your life, it can cost, and it can change lives. That night during View Group, I told the ladies that I wanted to have compassion on my family member who was about to give birth. I told them how God had been working on my heart and then I finally spoke the words for the first time….saying it out loud made me cry. “What if God wants me to be the mommy to this little baby?” Two of the ladies said,” We were thinking the same thing!” They prayed with me as my love for this child I had never met started to burn inside of me. Gabriella was born that very night.
Compassion. It would definitely interrupt my life, it would definitely cost, but it would definitely change the life of this child.
The family who took Gabby when she came home from the hospital sent me a video of her. I opened the video and when I saw that sweet little girl I dropped to the floor and started praying and sobbing. “God, I love this little girl and I don’t even know her….how can this be?”.
Right from the start I asked God, “If this is your will, I need you to pick up this baby and place her in our home without us doing anything”. I didn’t want to force anything or fight for anything. He did exactly that.
We got a call from the state of Colorado and we were told that out of all the family members, we had been chosen. We were blown away. God was on the move! It was then that the process began. A very long process. We just waited….and waited.
I was sad that I was missing out on Gabby’s early months but I trusted God…and His timing. As days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months I asked God, “Lord, the bonding stage is slipping by. Please God, could you please bring her to us no later than 6 months? Please God?”. Gabby is 6 months old this month.
There was something troubling me. Through this process I had never spoken to Gabby’s mommy and I felt guilty about being so happy about getting her baby because of her misfortune. It weighed heavily on me. I prayed about it and an answer came. Her mommy called me. We cried together and she gave me the peace I was looking for. I told her about my dream and cried and said, “See, this is what God wants.” I was giving her a gift by loving and caring for her little girl and she was giving me a gift by giving me a daughter. She cried as she said ” I couldn’t give you a greater gift”. What greater love to chose adoption for the better of your child. I will make sure that one day Gabby will understand the sacrifice her mommy made for her.
This process has been drenched in prayer. My boys have faithfully prayed for Gabriella for 6 months. They have been trusting God right along with us. We have learned that God’s timing isn’t always our timing which leads me to my last thought. With each pregnancy I begged God for a little girl. I remember after two boys my Grandma bought me a pink baby girl card and wrote “Think Pink” on the inside during my 3rd pregnancy hoping that it would be a girl….but two more boys followed. She said, “Someday you will get that girl!”
Grandma, I wanted you to know….I got my girl.
I love my boys to the moon and back and I am content, but there have been times in my life when I wasn’t. At times I was angry at God. Why couldn’t I have a little girl? Prom season made me sad when moms and daughters were shopping together….I was bitter towards “Mother and Daughter” banquets. I know it sounds terrible but there was a void that having sons couldn’t fill.
Seven years ago I had a conversation with my dear friend Judy. She is my prayer warrior. She said: “You know, I think God has a baby girl for you in your future”. I said, “No, that’s not possible… we can’t have any more children”. She said, ” I really do think there is a daughter in your future, maybe you will adopt a little girl…there might be a little girl who needs you.” I responded quite vocally, “No, we would never adopt a child…we already have 4! That will NEVER happen.” I am adopting a little girl.
God’s timing. I didn’t understand His timing. I had given up…..yet after all these years, God is giving me the desire of my heart. He is giving me a daughter. I love her so much. I can’t wait to meet her.
“For this child I prayed and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him”- 1sam 1:27