Over the weeks I have sat and listened to our pastor talk about the beautiful love story in the Song of Solomon. I have to admit, at times I felt a bit jealous. As we read through the scriptures it was “my beloved, my darling, my dove, my flawless on” What passion these two had. My spouse and I certainly don’t talk to each other that way, its more like “Hey you, are you taking the kids to school or am I?”
This week the love story took a turn….one I hadn’t expected. They faced conflict. Now we are talking!! So they weren’t perfect! They weren’t any different than we are. The same struggles that marriages have today, are the same struggles that marriages have had over the ages.
The root causes of conflict begin with Unmet Expectations and Self-Centeredness. Surely our issues couldn’t fall into those two categories. I began combing through my mind of all the issues that we have been facing conflict from. I sat motionless as I realized they were all spun from unmet expectations and self-centeredness.
We are not perfect and are all going to face conflict. So what do we do when we face it?
I will not respond and react.
“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”- Romans 12:21
As soon as conflict hits I want to put on my battle gear and settle it NOW! I want to fight when I’m angry. Isn’t it interesting that if you don’t respond and react right away, it really isn’t a BATTLE anymore. It isn’t about winning…..the focus turns to reconciliation.
I will focus on the Good and not the Bad.
“….whatever is true…noble….right…..pure…lovely…..admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about things” -Phil 4:8
I will be the first to admit this is hard. When I’m upset at someone I don’t want to focus on the 100 good things about them, I want to focus on the 5 BAD things about them! Then it hit me. What if God loved me that way….what he focused on my bad moments…..its humbling.
I will Talk and not Walk
“In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold”- Eph 4:26-27
When I’m angry I’m vulnerable. Anger makes me want to get even, anger makes me want cause pain, anger opens the door for the devil to sneak in. Don’t walk away in anger. Talk through things thinking the best each other in kindness.
At the end of the sermon I realized that we all go through seasons in our relationships. Some are wonderful and some are difficult, but God takes us through each step. He doesn’t just wish us good luck and hope for the best. He equips us with knowledge and tools. There is always going to be conflict….how you handle it is the result of the outcome.
If you find that you are in a season of conflict, look within yourself. What can YOU do to change? Your expectations can only be met by Christ.
“I went down to the grove of nut trees to look at the new growth in the valley, to see if the vines had budded or the pomegranates were in bloom.”- Song of Solomon 6:11
